An Open Letter to Our Beloved Neurotypicals (Re: The Annual Festive Onslaught)
Dearest Neurotypicals,
The air is getting colder, the nights are drawing in, and we can sense it. The long awaited holiday season is coming.
Soon, your deep-seated neurological need for glittering objects, repetitive musical jingles, and highly specific roasted meats will reach its annual peak. The season of cherished, bewildering rituals that we know as 'Christmas' is upon us, and as always, we are bracing ourselves.
Now, of course, we know that not all neurotypicals are the same, just as not every person with ADHD experiences the world identically. But for the sake of festive solidarity, please allow us some affectionate generalisations. We love you, and that’s why we willingly enter this month-long marathon of sensory and social demands. This is the story of the compromises we often make, and the exhaustion it can bring.
The Adjustments We Make for You
We Respect Your Ritualistic Needs
We understand that for many of you, tradition is paramount. The tree must be decorated on a specific weekend. The turkey must be eaten on the 25th, even if our brains are screaming for the dopamine hit of a Christmas pizza. We suppress our brilliant, spontaneous ideas (like opening just one present early to make the waiting bearable) to protect your delicate need for rigid, sequential order. We do this for you.
We Endure the Sensory Onslaught
You appear to draw a deep, primal comfort from overwhelming the senses. Flashing lights, scented candles, the same ten songs played on a loop in every shop, and the constant crush of humanity in town centres. For many of us, this is a full-scale assault on our nervous systems. We spend the month feeling like we’re walking through a pinball machine. Yet, we put on our noise-cancelling headphones metaphorically (and sometimes literally), and we join you in the festive fray.
We Navigate the Social Marathon
For reasons we find fascinating, you often require a packed schedule of highly structured social engagements. Office parties, family gatherings, drinks with neighbours. We watch in awe as you seamlessly perform monofocused, linear conversations with multiple relatives without your brains blue-screening. We spend days beforehand preparing our social batteries and weeks afterwards recovering from the inevitable burnout of having to mask our overwhelm and pretend we know who everyone is.
We Attempt the Gifting Gauntlet
Your expectation of perfectly chosen, intricately wrapped, and punctually delivered gifts is perhaps your most challenging ritual. For a brain that struggles with object permanence, planning, and multi-step processes, this is our annual executive function nightmare. The journey from "I should get them a gift" to actually having the gift in their hand on the correct day is a Herculean trial. Yet every year, we try, fuelled by love and sheer panic.
How You Can Help Us Survive Your Season
We will, as always, do our best to participate in your cherished customs. But a little accommodation would go a long way in preventing our circuits from frying by Boxing Day.
- Understand That Our 'Escape' is Not a Rejection. When we disappear to a quiet room for ten minutes, we are not being antisocial. We are rebooting our operating system. It’s the only way we can return to the festive chaos without malfunctioning.
- Embrace the Last-Minute Gift. Please know that a gift bought in a panic on the 23rd of December is powered by just as much love (if not more adrenaline-fueled hyperfocus) as one purchased in October. Judge the thought, not the timing.
- Redefine 'Festive Relaxation'. Your need to sit still and watch the same films year after year is a beautiful mystery to us. Our way of relaxing might look like building a LEGO set, organising a cupboard, or falling down an internet rabbit hole. Please don’t interpret our need for active rest as a lack of festive spirit
- Ask Us for Specific Help. Vague requests like "help with Christmas dinner" are a recipe for task paralysis. A specific instruction like "can you please peel the potatoes now?" is a gift in itself.
We truly do admire the passion you have for this season. We are just asking you to remember that we are running a different operating system.
Of course, these are just our observations from the neurodivergent side of the fence. We know you are all individuals with your own unique ways of celebrating and coping, just as we are. The most important thing is that we make space for everyone's different needs during a season that is, let's be honest, a lot for all of us.
So this year, if you see us looking a bit dazed by the tinsel, please just pass us a mince pie and a bit of quiet. We’ll be back. We just need to buffer.
With love and a sincere request for some actual silent nights,
Your ADHD Family & Friends
A Serious Note on Festive Wellbeing
While this letter is written with humour, the stress of the festive season is very real. If the annual pressure highlights challenges that feel overwhelming year after year, remember that understanding your own unique neurology is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
At Diverse Diagnostics, our clinicians are here to provide clarity and support. If you feel a formal diagnosis could help you navigate life with more self-compassion, we offer a timely and supportive private pathway to assessment.
To learn more, you can read about our ADHD Assessment Process or contact our friendly team for a confidential, no-obligation discussion.